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[Entertainment Committee]
THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER
ORIGINAL VERSION.
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,
the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he
dies out in the cold.
MODERN AMERICAN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter,
the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why
the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
and starving. CBS, NBC, FOX and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to video of the ant in his comfortable home
with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp
contrast.
How can it be that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so? Then a representative of the NAGB (The
National Association of Green Bugs) shows up on Nightline and charges the ant
with green bias, and makes the case that the grasshopper is the victim
of 30 million years of greenism. Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with
the grasshopper, and everybody cries when he sings "It's not easy being
green." Bill and Hillary Clinton make a special guest appearance on the
CBS Evening News to tell a concerned Dan Rather that they will do
everything they can for the grasshopper who has been denied the
prosperity he deserves by those who benefited unfairly during the
Reagan summers.
Richard Gephardt exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls
for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Greenism Act"
Retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for
failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel
of federal hearing officers that Bill apointed from a list of single-parent
welfare moms who can only hear cases on Thursday's between 1:30 and
3:00 PM. The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper
finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house
he's in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around
him since he doesn't know how to maintain it. The ant has disappeared
in the snow. And on the TV, which the grasshopper bought by selling most
of the ant's food, they are showing Bill Clinton standing before a wildly
applauding group of Democrats announcing that a new era of "fairness"
has dawned in America.
God Bless America!!!
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